Thursday, 21 November 2013

Paraphrasing the news

Despite the BBCs mendacious efforts to stay on message, a quick skek of what they’re currently reporting neatly conveys how things are. I’m paraphrasing here, but as I read it the following appear to be some of the big stories:

Today's headlines; the total cash paid to the rich people in charge of big companies is growing around ten times faster than the actual economy.

This is despite the notable example of the rich person in charge of a big company that may well have systematically defrauded taxpayers for years apologising for potentially systematically defrauding taxpayers for years. Sources report he is set to remain very rich regardless and retain what is likely to be a very big, most likely tacky holiday home somewhere sunny despite his having gotten rich running a company that may well have systematically defrauded taxpayers for years.

Elsewhere, very rich bankers, some of whom went to very expensive private schools, explained why they should be paid lots of money even when they do their jobs really badly. Sources confirm the small print in the contracts signed is such that the taxpayer clients involved don’t have no leg to stand on when it comes to getting any money back. Not a penny. 

When asked if this means the very rich bankers involved will ever be employed on behalf of taxpayers ever again, our sources advised that as the banks employing the very rich bankers are currently on the look out for retired government ministers and senior civil servants to employ as 2 day a week special advisors on what are currently understood to be 6 figure packages, then yes they would receive taxpayer funded gravy in future.

In breaking news the current Tory party fixation with drawing increasingly improbable links between the Labour party and an incompetent, drugged up party boy approved for a job he very obviously wasn't up to by people managed by someone the ConDem government subsequently knighted where judged to be highly successful at drawing attention away from the Tories letting a bloke who owns a chunk of Wonga and gives them money try and rewrite employment law in ways that would make him more money, but were for the most part dismissed as mental *.

And finally, ordinary people continue to be made redundant en masse because this is for the good of us all. Yer average punter didn't give a hoot either way because he or she continues to favour engaging in narcissistic, but ultimately apathetic pursuits instead.

* what's interesting here is that because party boy appears to have been so much of a party boy, the Co-op is now looking at his expenses claims. This, when you think of Al Capone,  has real potential in relation to justice and all the other boys that fucked the economy into a cocked hat. 


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