Labour party scum part 1

As light relief I thought I'd summarise what for me is one of the most loathsome aspect of the Labour party; its time served backwoodsmen. You can spot the sort a mile off usually because their all-expenses paid guts are bursting out over their belts and into your face.

Here are their typical characteristics;

Back in the day they might have been an apprentice in a factory, a mine or a shipyard, who, on realising manual labour is actually quite tiring, got into trade union politics and by their early 20s had started a life time obsession with doing everything they could to avoid actual work.

Nowadays they’re drawn from the public sector where they were unpromoted and unqualified mental health nurses, unpromoted and unqualified community workers, unpromoted and unqualified teachers and so on (or they might be the idiot child of a Labour party grandee too thick to make it as middle class, but with a yearning for a middle class way of life).

As things moved on they attach themselves to an MP as an agent, researcher, chief arse licker or whatever, basically anything but actual work (or they might have held a post as a regional trade union organiser). At this point those with a few brain cells, if they haven't got one already, typically do a degree in industrial relations, politics, economics, economic history and what no as a mature student. Sometimes this lot even have something interesting to say, like every 5 or so years.

Thereafter a few mickey mouse jobs typically follow – a charity's strategy officer, a quango policy manager, council equal rights co-ordinator and what note, typically combined with being a councillor somewhere. Fucking bollocks the lot of them and anyhow all they’re really doing is waiting for some dead man shoes to fill and them to finally get elected into a safe seat and become an MP and latterly an MSP and get the gravy.

For the most part the whole lot of them are a useless and disgraceful shower of shite. Too thick to ever have an idea or become actual ministers, too taken with the lure of a parliamentary wage they could never earn in the real world to rock the boat when things like principles pop up. Essentially it’s all about getting the cash and doing just enough to keep the local party happy before making an expenses claim. And fingers crossed there’s a retirement package  i.e. elevation to the house of lords, waiting if they keep their noses clean long enough.

Examples would be Tommy Graham, Jim Devine, Michael Martin, Paul Martin and Ian Davidson. Like you’ve Jim and his expenses and treatment of his office manager, Michael Martin and well him being Michael Martin, Tommy Graham and the Paisley shenanigans and latterly Ian Davidson threatening to gie some SNP MP bint a doin’.

Brilliant. So that’s what Labour party machine politics looks like and has done for decades. In the meantime, global economic crisis, rising unemployment, falling real wages, a potential assault on basic employment rights? Aye well, fuck that cos see that SNP bint she needs a doin’ (1).


(1) They are so utterly loathsome because they’ve betrayed the basic principles of the Labour party and are pathetic jokes compared to its founding fathers. They are also electoral liabilities who contribute fuck all to political life.